George (YOGGI) Michael, the former WHAM© popster has launched an appeal to save the worlds biggest cock. Speaking to the world press yesterday Mr Michael told of his first encounter with the enormous cock.|
" I'd never seen anything like it before, " he told reporters, " I never thought a cock of that size could exist, but when I saw it for the first time... Well it took me breath away ".
The genetically modified rooster called Woody was created in an American GM foods research centre by world renowned Geneticist Dr. Klaus von Bijenkorf using top secret genetic modification techniques stolen from the Nazis in WW2.
George first heard the rumours about the over sized Woody whilst on tour in the States promoting his last album Time gentlemen please , it was then that George decided that he had to see the cock for himself and confirm if the rumours were true.
" I called a friend who works for the US government ". he told us on the telephone " He made a few phone calls, and called in a few favours, and the next thing I knew I was on my way to Nevada to see the beast with my own two eyes. I was greeted at the gates to the compound by Dr. von Bijenkorf who said he was very excited to meet me as he had always been a big fan of Wham©. He then led me to the field where the cock was kept. I was amazed by the sheer size of his Woody, it must be a good six feet tall when standing fully erect, it really is a magnificent specimen ".
However, when George enquired about Woodys future the situation turned from of the simple childlike enjoyment of a massive cock to a seething cauldron of anger and desperation as Dr. von Bijenkorf explained in detail the poor birds fate...
" I was told that he was going to be terminated, ". George told us tearfully " Dr. von Bijenkorf said that the cock was an experiment he was conducting for Colonel Saunders, but the cost of feeding a giant chicken turned out to be too high, and that if the gargantuan birds were used in his finger lickin' good food outlets the price of a bargain bucket' would sky rocket up to a whopping $35.76 cents and was therefore no longer adhering to the standard dictionary definition of " bargain".
Woody, who must eat four times his own body weight every six hours is been costing the GM centre thousands of dollars in chicken feed every week.
" I just can't let it happen, " explained the famous Greek heart throb " I want to save this monstrous bird from harm, I want them to hand the cock over to me, and once the cock is safely in my hands I will put him somewhere safe and never let my cock come to any harm ".
George is well known to sympathize with genetic mutations of all kinds as he himself was born with very small hands. We contacted Georges former band mate Mr Andrew Ridge who told us.
" Yeah, small handed George they used to call him, they're really tiny. Whenever we used to make Wham© videos and the director wanted a shot of Georges hands I had to step in for him.
I can't even remember how many times George asked me if I'd do it for him, I remember he'd say " Andrew, can you do a hand job for me ??. " and I'd always oblige.. I do a pretty good hand job really. Since the band split up I don't do Georges hand jobs any more, but I'm sure that he's found someone else to do all his hand jobs for him ".
George will raise the massive amount of cash required for the upkeep of the bird by the release of a single he has recorded with many of his show business pals. " George, Elton, Jimmy Somerville and Steven from Boyzone all got together in the studio to record a save the cock single last week . His agent confirmed " They all feel the same way about the massive Woody, and all want to make sure that the cock is saved so that everyone can enjoy it ".
We here at the Moon fully support George and his pals and all their efforts. If successful the large rooster is going to be allowed to live out the rest of his days in a safe place known only to Mr Michael and a few close friends.
" He's very fond of animals, " Andrew Ridge explained " I'm sure if he has the cock there with him he will love it and treat it well getting up every morning to give the cock the love and attention it needs, and give it a good stroking it with his small hands ".
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