Multiple Oscar® winners Wallace and Gromit have been exposed after a year-long investigation into a growing number of cereal killings in Southern California.
The investigation's chief investigating officer - Special Investigator I.M. Cloulace spoke to the press today about the fruits and nuts of his labours. " We knew that the killer had been operating in Hollywood for quite some time, and that they most probably had an accomplice. It was only a matter of time before they slipped up and we found out who was behind this horrifying killing spree " .
Since the wacky pairs disappearance from the public eye after their third triumphant film The Wrong Cheese Trousers, in which Wallace and Gromit go to the moon in search of a pair of Wallace's trousers which mysteriously disappeared from a launderette in Putney sometime in 1995. Speculation had been growing as to their whereabouts.
It was during March of 1999 that officers of the law became concerned that they were in fact the evil master minds of a series of brutal slayings in and around the state of California. The twisted duos catalogue of catastrophic crimes reads as follows:
Wallace and Gromit's trail 'O' death
Special Investigator Cloulace commented that he'd had his suspicions about Messrs.Wallace and Gromit right from the start, " They're toast and cheese eaters ". he said " What would they care about the feelings of cereals ? ". He went on to explain how Wallace had never quite been the same since the 'porridge' incident.. ( but to be honest, it was a bit technical, and I didn't really fully understand the rest of his statement).
The final nail was hammered home in their clay coffin, when local news reporter and well known Muesli Rights activist Emily Kellogg ( no relation ) managed to track the missing duo down by promising them an interview in the May issue of Plasticine Life. She was horrified when she arrived at the pre-arranged meeting site to find the pair knee deep in freshly slaughtered Weetabix, and immediately notified Inspector Cloulace of their location.
The two were arrested shortly afterwards.
They both face up to 100 years imprisonment or the death penalty if convicted, which for plasticine figurines is a particularly messy and unpleasant business.
Their wife, animator Nick Hyde Park was unavailable for comment, although a source close to him said that he is " distraught, and beside himself ". Mostly due to the fact that he has just successfully managed to clone himself using the same techniques he used to create the diabolical duo themselves.
A spokesperson for Aardman Animation said " We are all deeply saddened by the news, Wallace and Gromit were always easily led and it would have been quite simple for anyone to mould them into killers "
reporting for the Moon