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Years of planning finally paid off today when ex Spice Girl Emma (Baby Spice) Bunton officially became the 3rd man made object viewable from space. Keen to lose her image as a 10 year old nymphet, Bunton has been working toward this goal since the split of the Spices last year. "We always knew that Emma would be big". said former band mate Mel (Spooky Spice) B "But we never thought she would be this big". Bunton has been constructed using a special diet of cakes and high fat cheeses, this coupled with the almost luminescent paleness of her skin achieved by living in a darkened box and never leaving during the hours of daylight has officially made Bunton viewable from space. She was spotted by Russian astronaut Ougi Knikkabolakov who is currently orbiting the Earth in the MIR space station. "I saw this strange globular white object," he explained to our reporter "at first I though it was some sort of giant ice formation, but upon closer inspection it turned out to be the Baby Spice herself, she is truly colossal and a woman to be proud of, we like them big in the old country" Calls have been pouring into the Bunton home since the news was announced this morning. Her 3 ex band mates have all pledged their support for Emma and issued the following statements. "Girl Power, way to go sister... But I've still got the nicest tits right ?" Said Geri (Minger Spice) Halliwell. "Ahhhh, she's great, I quite fancy her myself." Said Mel (Sporting Spice) Chisholm. "I've been shopping." Said Victoria (Stupid,Vacant,Waste of space,Anorexic,Not even vaguely Posh,Rancid Spice) Beckham. 
Emma is said to be pleased that she has earned her place in history as the 3rd man made object visible from space. She joins the ranks of other mammoth objects like The great wall of china, Gracelands and that big pointy thing in Los Vegas (The one with the big light on top)."This is just the beginning" Emmas agent told our reporter over the phone "She has reached a point from which there is no turning back. We are already making plans for next year, when we hope to see Bunty create her own gravitational field, there is already some signs of primitive fungal life living in some of the harder to reach areas of the Baby Spice, we are hoping that we will see this continue to evolve and that Emma should start to create her own fully functioning eco - system by as early as 2015. Hopefully by the middle of this century Bunton will be ready for colonization, and become a popular holiday resort for the rich and famous" But Emma is not the only washed up, has been, ex pop star currently vying for attention from the public. We here at the Moon have been flooded with calls from theatrical agents desperate to boost their stars lagging credibility. The agent for Mark Owen and Jason Orange has announced that the pair of ex Take Thatters have undergone experimental surgery in Pakistan, and are now the worlds first pair of man made Siamese twins. "Ex chart topper Chesney Hawkes has a new and exciting project" We were told by his publicist "He is taking part in a new BBC docu-soap called The Castaway, where he shall be left alone on that Island off the coast of Scotland until he goes quite mad and hermit like. We expect dozens of viewers to tune in to watch Chesney's descent into madness" But most worrying of all are the secret plans leaked to us regarding Radiohead's intentions to disappear up their own arses during the recording of their new album X - Pi Osmosis. "We are all very proud of Emma" members of her family told us "She was always our little girl, and despite her now gargantuan size she always will be". Astronomer Patrick Moore told us that the best views of Emma are to be had from the Hubble space microscope. "It really is a quite amazing sight" He said, before reminding everyone that looking directly at Bunton with the naked eyes can cause blindness, nausea and convolutions. "The best way to safely admire Bunton" he said "Is in the dark, with your eyes closed". |
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