Please read this disclaimer before the story Show biz news from America hit Europe today when The gargantuan Disney© corporation announced that it had purchased the film rights to ©Anne Franks Diary® Disney© who's disembodied head runs the empire from a giant fridge was said to be excited about the up coming fully animated feature that Disney© are making based around the Diary: " We have a lot of big names on this picture " a spokesperson told us, "The film is due for release on December 7th, right at the peak of the Christmas market." The story in the movie is the tale of a young Jewish German girl called Anne Frank© (voiced by Cameron Diaz), who's family move to Holland in 1933 to avoid the filthy Nazis. In 1940 however the filthy Nazis, move into Holland in search of Adolf Hitlers favorite cheese the 'Edam'.They then start rounding up all the Jews and sending them to prison, in order to safeguard the Edam supply from 'Jewish Cooties', a mythical beast of which Adolf (voiced by Danny DeVito) is terrified. 
Anne's father Otto (voiced by Calvin Kline) runs a successful Jam factory in Amsterdam, knowing that the filthy Nazis will soon come for his family, Otto builds hidden rooms in his office where the family can hide till Adolf has eaten his fill of cheese, and moved off in search of new and exciting foods.In July of 1942, the family move into the hidden rooms at the jam factory, as Adolf and his Cheesy lust run rampant across Europe.. Whilst in hiding Anne is befriended by Mrs Gies (voiced by Bette Midler), a kind old lady who brings her strudel and sings to her of happy things. Annes only other friends are a rat called 'Churchill'(voiced by Rik Mayall) and a mouse called 'Chamberlain' (voiced by Adrian Edmunson) who are also in hiding from Adolf's cat 'Herr Käsig'(voiced by Tim Curry) . With help from her two rodent pals, Anne starts to write a diary of her adventures in the jam factory, and with a superb musical score provided by the Disney©® owned Philip Collins©, the two years of hiding are transformed into a colorful journey through the eyes of a child. Collins is on top song writing form in this movie, and the soundtrack contains such gems as:
and Discovered by the filthy Nazis, Anne's mother and father are forced to surrender their underground cheese supply whilst Anne, Churchill and Chamberlain hide under the stairs as Adolf and Herr Käsig look for them.. When Anne is finally discovered by Adolf, he spies a book in her back pocket: " Vot iz dis ? " He asks Anne. " It is my diary Mr Hitler " Anne replies Adolf opens the diary and begins to read: 'August 2nd 1944 I hid today from poor Mr Hitler, I wish he didn't need so much cheese, and I wish he didn't think we had cooties. He must be a very sad man, I hope that one day he will be happy ' 
Tears fill Adolf's eyes, " I vos wrong," he sighs " Ze Jews are nice, and zey do not hav ze cooties. Let zem go, I vish for un toasted teacake viz Jam "" We have plenty of jam Mr Hitler, " says young Anne " And teacakes too, won't you join us for tea ? " Anne and Adolf then sing the heartwarming song 'I used to be a Nazi, but I'm not so nasty now' as all the imprisoned Jews are released and everybody lives happily ever after. " We've stayed as true to the original story as we can ". The ©Disney®©® spokesman told us, we had to change a few minor details, but I think that Anne would have been happy with the changes we've made ". Plans are already underway for the sequel ' Anne Frank goes to Japan ' where the plucky Jew makes friends with Ying Yo Pi a small Japanese boy living in Nagasaki. |
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