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In an unexpected announcement in the House of Commons yesterday, Tony
Blair, leader of the Labour Party and Prime Minister of the United
Kingdom, outlined his proposal for the UK's traditional seat of power. "We need to move with the times," he said, "and number 10 Downing Street is a prime example of the outmoded stuffy image that this country's Government has - an image which needs to be swept aside. Number 10 is such an enduring powerful image, symbolising as it does the leadership of the UK. But we need to think what message it is actually sending out to the world. I think it is actually quite a dangerous image. It represents inpenetrability, but to be frank that comes across as making us - making me, your leader - seen unfriendly and unapproachable." Mr Blair then explained to the astonished House exactly what it was that he had in mind for what must arguably be the UK's most famous address. "We need to pull it down," he insisted, "and replace it with an igloo." He then went on the explain, amidst a hail of jeers and cat-calls, that an igloo would suggest to the world that the UK government was ecologically sound, and had environmental matters at its heart. 
Interviewed later for the Tonight programme or something, Mr Blair
was asked if he had seriously thought through the idea of replacing
number 10 with a house of ice."Certainly I have," said Tony. "But of course, it wouldn't have worked under a Conservative government, there being so much hot air coming from its leader," he quipped. "We need to seriously save money following the unfortunate performance of the Millenium Dome. Replacing number 10 with a structure built entirely out of snow will keep our overheads down. If only we had built the Millenium Dome out of snow as I had originally wanted..." he mused. "Furthermore, the number 10 fridge has recently packed in, so this would be effectivly killing two birds with one stone." The premier's wife Cherie Blair looked like she would need more convincing, saying that "it'd be a bit chilly for the nipper," but adding that the fact they wouldn't have to buy a new fridge was a plus point, she supposed, so long as it wasn't so cold that it would cause her yoghurt to freeze. The Chancellor of the Exchequor, Mr Gordon Brown (64), in a somewhat grumpy mood said that it was all academic anyway, since the Blairs could always use his fridge because " It's one of those big walk in American jobbies. ", and even when fully stocked with Mr Browns personal supply of Iron Bru, Mars bars and Luncheon meat there would still be at least one and a half shelves free for Cherrie and Tony to use, as long as they didn't use all his milk. 
We caught up with the Leader of the Opposition, baby-faced William
Hague, of the Conservative Party, and asked him his thoughts on Mr
Blair's radical proposals. "Utterly preposturous," he exclaimed.He then droned on and on for a further half an hour, although this reporter wasn't really listening having been distracted by a beetle crawling along the pavement. "Furthermore," the former child prodigy Mr Hague added, "I wouldn't be surprised if the place melted down, the amount of hot air that Tony..."  Graphic representation of the aforementioned beetle It is however at that moment that this reporter noticed that her bus had pulled up nearby and made a dash for it. |
reporting for The MOON
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