Pop diva Christina Aguilera has been forced to halt construction on her latest project,her very own Agillera based theme park deep in the heart of Kentucky.
Agiulla had been in negotiations with both the Disney corporation and Steven Speilbergs Dreamworks company in connection with the planned 'Aguileraland'. The poorly thought through project is due to open in the fall of 2002.Miss Agulira hopes that the attraction will draw in visitors by the dozen " It's all part of her dream, " her agent told us " She needs a lot of lovin' does that girl ". Local officials have brought the construction to a temporary halt following a series of accidents on site. " We done got to check 'em out " we were told by Dwight Corncobb sheriff of the nearby town of Butchuk " Somethin' odd happenin' up there, I don't seen nothin' but ma cousin Zeek he done seen somethin' . He telled me that he see this one young fella hit his thumb with one o' those hammerin' contraptions ". Stories of accidents on the construction site have been circulating since the project started in 1999. We contacted Bit Fishy Bob the head of the BitFishy Construction Company who were contracted by Miss Aguerrilla to build the park and it's many attractions " We's always done workin' real safety like ". Bob insisted " Folk's is sayin' that the land done gotten cursed ways back in the 1970's, and by one o' them big ole hairy women too, I done also heard that some kids went missin' up there all night one time when they was havin' a sleepover or somethin' ". 
The list of accidents reads like a macabre list of accidents, in the last year nineteen of the twenty construction workers has been forced to take sick leave on more than one occasion, and one workman has never actually attended the site for as yet unknown and mysterious reasons. " Seems like most days one of the young un's is right poorly " the mother of the construction workers told a local news reporter " I plum don't understand how it happens. It's like Tuesday.. Bubba and Cletus was sick with somethin'..poor boy's couldnt 've been sicker what with all the throwin' up an' all, and the smell, it wuz pure evil, like the devil himself had possessed them boy's asses. But they wuz fine when I see's them on Monday night at Crazy Eddies All Night Moonshine and Clams Bar in town. " Local doctors at the local hospital agreed to talk to us regarding the accidents, they supplied us with a list of all incidents reported from the site, they included:
Miss Aguerilla specially chose the location of her theme park, it is in fact being constructed on the site of the trailer park where she grew up and honed her special skills. " I always liked the fair when I wuz young ". she told Rolling Stone magazine " I used to go down there and eat cotton candy and taffy with all them big ole' boys, " she continued " They were all real gentlemanly like, never used to pinch my ass or nothin'. And to this day, I still can't say no to a good ride, shucks, I just plum love it.. " Safety inspectors are due to inspect the site later today. Miss Agorrila is said to be keen to push ahead with construction. When finished Aguileraland will be home to a rollercoaster, the bleacharium ( where you can recreate the atmosphere of Miss Agurillas hairdressers ) possibly some waltzers, a coconut shy and a restaurant. The pride of the park however is destined to be the spectacular 'Genie in a bottle' ride, where customers will undoubtedly emerge from the three and a half minute ride feeling disorientated and sick to their stomach's having heard the song in it's entirety. |
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