Claims made by a Swedish anthropologist working in Israel have landed him in hot water.
|
There was a serious incident in the city of Jeruselum this morning when a Swedish anthropologist studying regional and ethnic differences between cultures claimed that the Beatles had been right all along, and were in fact 'Bigger than Jesus'. Doctor Olaf Gunderstortenson of the Swedish institute of sizes was in the Holy city studying the differences between the modern Anglo Saxons and ancient Middle Eastern cultures. " We don't know what he could have been thinking " one of his colleagues a Dr Jurgen Bergen Sturgen told us " He was only trying to get his point across, but his choice of words was extremely foolish ". The incident occurred yesterday when Dr Gunderstortenson was giving a lecture at the Jeruselum University of Widths. Whilst attempting to explain the current extreme difference in height between ancient Hebrews and modern Anglo Saxons he proclaimed to a packed house that: " If you could take a Hebrew man from the year Zero, possibly with the aid of some sort of time machine, and stand him next to a modern Anglo Saxon male such as Mr Paul McCarthney, you would see a vast difference in their heights. This is due in part to the climate and social structure of the two cultures. The consequence of this being that the average height of an ancient Hebrew would have been 1 meter 30 centimeters where as your modern Anglo Saxon is a staggering 1 meter 75 centimeters a whopping 45 centimeters difference, I think I am safe to say that when Mr Julian Lennon claimed that the Beatles were Bigger than Jesus he was in fact correct. With the possible exception of Ringo Starr ". 
Doctor Gunderstortenson was arrested almost instantaneously by the Israeli authorities and detained at his hotel for his own safety, but speaking at a press conference this afternoon Dr Gunderstortenson did little to diffuse the volatile situation and may in fact have made things worse" I only told the truth " he announced to the assembled crowd of journalists and television reporters " I stood up for what I believe to be true. All you people are looking for is a scapegoat. I see no reason why I should be crucified for my beliefs. I have nothing to apologize for, but if the world is too narrow minded to accept the truth I suppose it's just a cross I'll have to bear. I shall do everything I can to resurrect my good name ". The Vatican has issued a statement condemning Doctor Gunderstortensons speech and demanding an immediate retraction of his comments " Lest he be smitten for blasphemy and cast out of the church for 40 days so that the disembowelled minion's of the underworld can feast upon his fleshy goodness and drink his ooze ". The Archbishop of Canterbury also issued a statement saying that Doctor Gunderstortenson was " A very naughty boy indeed " and " Should be careful what he says because it could so easily get him in to trouble ". He then went on to add that " The White Album had always been one of his personal favorites " and that " George Martins production on that particular disc was Heavenly". We asked The remaining Beatles for a statement. Mr George Harrison told us " I don't know what to say, it's like Karma man, real radical cosmic type Karma man, y'know heavy, really HEAVY ". Richard Starsky ( real name Ringo Starr ) told our reporter " Poor little fella, never did no harm to nobody there must be a name for what he is.. ". Sir Paul McCarthy Speaking from his four million acre vegetable farm in Hertfordshire said " I always knew our John was right. he had a keen interest in all sorts of sizes and stuff, y'know millimeters, yards, furlongs, bushels all that sort of malarky, I knew he wouldn't have said it unless he was right ". On behalf of the deceased vocal Beatle Lennon, a Mr Yoko Ono sent us a 8x5 cm block of timber with 32 silver and 32 black mails embedded in to it, wrapped in a pink bow with a small card that read 'Gazzumping the beginning of the beauty' The Swedish foreign office and the Israeli ministry of Divinity are locked in talks regarding the sentencing of Dr Gunderstortenson who under current Israeli religious law faces either life imprisonment inside a goat, or boiling alive in some kind of meaty broth. " We are doing everything we can to appease the Israeli authorities " an Swedish spokesperson told me " But personally just between us, we think he's buggered ". |
The Moon and all it's stories are copyrighted to Covered in Bees Productions Productions June Y2K or 062000.
The views expressed here are meant for humourous interpretation only..
SURGEON GENERALS WARNING
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS INTERNALLY
KYLIE