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Greenpeace leapt into action today in an attempt to stop Japan's once yearly Pokemon cull. Pokemon numbers are raging out of control in Japan and a yearly cull was introduced in 1999 to keep their numbers under control. " We have a very serious Pokemon problem here " said the Japanese Minister for raw fish and seaweed Mr Kochirakoso " We simply cannot have packs of Pikachus roaming the streets rooting through garbage looking for food, they are becoming a health hazard ". The Pokemon population has more than doubled in Japan although it is also said to be reaching epidemic proportions in some parts of the western hemisphere. " The Pokemon population is increasing here in London " we were told by an anonymous source " great hordes of Mankie's and Raticate's have taken over in our city's parks, it's only a matter of time before somebody gets hurt ". Greenpeace has been battling to stop the Pokemon cull for the last year " The manner in which innocent creatures are slaughtered is terrible " Dr. Rainbow Lovechild of Greenpeace told our reporter " The simple minded creatures are rounded up and then repeatedly clubbed with large wooden sticks until dead. The carcass is then sold to China where Pokemon meat and bones are thought to have great aphrodisiac properties ". Pokemon have been extinct in China since 1982 when the last remaining Snorlax's were hunted down for their highly prized skins. The President of the World Wide Fund for Nature Prince Phillip denied accusations that he was to participate in the cull " Mind your own bloody business " he told the assembled reporters today outside Buckingham palace " I'm not saying I am attending the cull, but let's face it they are only vermin, it's no worse than say fox hunting or badger baiting, but we all enjoy that don't we ". 
The cull which is due to start tomorrow is a very popular event in Japan with even children as young as five joining in with the senseless clubbing " My whole family look forward to this day " This Japanese man told us " We all go clubby, clubby on Pokemon very funny. Me splatting Psyduck good ". The cull will then be followed by the traditional Japanese tradition of ' Densha-chin-wa-donogurai kakarimasu-ka ' where all shall feast on a sumptuous banquet of Monkey brains, Sushi and Kingler sticks, before taking part in a marathon Karaoke competition where the winner will be crowned 'Okii gomi-o dashite-mo daijobu-desu-ka' for the coming year. It is uncertain as to whether Greenpeace will be able to attend the cull in protest as their boat the 'Multi Coloured Swap Shop' was sunk earlier by some Canadians. Parents are reminded that Pokemon do not make good pets " The smell is awful, and they are mostly nocturnal " we were told by a pet shop owner " Sure they are cute when they are little, but don't forget they grow. It was the same with Ninja Turtles a few years ago, and now there are quite literally thousands of unwanted Donnatello's and Picasso's in our sewers ". The Moon would like to remind everyone that a Pikachu is not just for Christmas. |
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The views expressed here are meant for humourous interpretation only..
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